As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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