mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
