I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
