i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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