You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
