Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
