Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
