my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
