woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize