long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
