what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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