mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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