Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
