It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
