1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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