i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
