Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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