Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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