Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
