Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
