allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Terrible idea I love it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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