No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
