A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
