You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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