where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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