its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
