i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
