Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
