whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
