theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
