My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
