Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize