This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
