I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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