I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
