mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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