Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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