I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
