she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
