epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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