I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
