I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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