dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
