my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
