i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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