So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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