omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
