He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
