ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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