Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
