things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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