i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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