READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
