fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
