what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize