You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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