i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When are your genitals available?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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