So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
