Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
