he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
