Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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