we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
