Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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