Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
