She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
