ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
