you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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