Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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